Hello Dreamers

My Story

Humble beginnings.  I was born and raised in the Greater Toronto Area.  When I was three I was diagnosed with Autism.  I don't think even my parents expected me to get anywhere, although they did their best anyway.  At some point, however, I graduated from University with a Bachelor's in Computer Science.  As unfortunate as it was, it could have been worse.

In my early career, I wanted to make video games, but I could never break into the industry.  It's why my post-secondary education was in computer science.  Over time I took an interest in Data Science and AI.  I returned to pursue a more creative route when I was fired in 2022 from my job in data analytics.  I will get a game out someday, although I can do graphic art, writing, and non-creative programming.

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People like to ask how I stay 'motivated' within the creative and productive process, but the truth is, that motivation isn't a thing.  What we think is motivation is fear - fear that you will be living in a tent on the street, fear of being rejected by your peers, fear of being left out, or fear of being left behind.  So remembering that - the moment I realized no one will ever hire me again and my mother is why I am not on the street panhandling, I knew I needed to create and market myself if I am to survive. 

I know you might have wanted me to say "I take intrinsic value in doing, creating, writing and programming," but the truth is, unless there is a dopamine high nothing is intrinsically that scary  I do because I don't want to starve, and I don't want others to think I'm useless.

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At this point in becoming a Digital Nomad, the line between personal and professional projects blur.  Like a lot of people living in this post-scarcity late-stage capitalist society turning corporate feudalism, I am trying to monetize the few things I like doing, thus the Twitch account.  I love gaming, a lot.  I love sci-fi and fantasy a lot.  I am a fan of Mercedes Lackey and Andrew Rowe.  I have played a lot of tabletop and board games, Dungeons and Dragons being among my favourites.  I am a huge Legend of Zelda fan.  While I don't like the writings of HP Lovecraft I love the mythos and the works created by authors since.

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I'm sure you can see some of that in my works, now and in the future.

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My Parents were a very strong presence in my life.  My Mother is a very strong and determined woman.  Having spent her professional career in fashion as a seamstress, with painting as a hobby, she was also very creative and smart.  My father, a mechanic by trade, is also a very smart man.  Known for being outgoing and having a quirky sense of humour. 

I like to engage with the audience and community online, and in person.  The beauty of Twitch is people do pop in to talk every so often.  It does feel nice to matter to someone, even if on a superficial level.

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Life is a challenge.  Being on the spectrum makes life very hard.  Long-term depression and anxiety resulting from that is hard.  Programming is an old boys' club, and many think women are too stupid to write fiction that isn't harlequin.  Losing financial security is hard.  Knowing my mother doesn't think highly of me is hard.  Perhaps it isn't true, but it does feel like the world hates me.

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On a personal level, I would like to not harm.  if I write an article about cheese crackers, I will make sure the recipe works or that the review is my honest opinion.  In the case of fiction writing I want to advocate for a better world, sometimes by showcasing how ugly it is, or can be.  In programming, I want to make sure the code will run and do as it claims to.

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Professionally, "Is this worth my time?" is the only real consideration.  It's why I gave up looking for a real job - once I realized it was a waste of time.​​